THE LIFE OF A YWAMer - Vlog 2 (The Saga Continues)

ENJOY!

The Life of a YWAMer (The Video Snippet Saga)

Hey all,
Here's a short snip of what the first week looked like at YWAM Denver... I'll be adding these up here when I see them.  Some of them I'm in, some of them I'm not (see if you can spot me - WHERE'S WALLY?), but they are totally good to just watch for an informal laugh and to put a smile on your face for the day ;)

I'll load week 2 up this morning as well, as it's currently 0530, and hopefully chuck an update up of what has been happening and what is going to be happening, as well as where I'm going on outreach!

Have a great day and GBUG (God Bless U Good)

A PARTY IN HIS HOUSE

It's only been just over one week since I've started the Young People's DTS and boy what an amazing time it has been.

Even though it's my second time, I am learning so much. But I have also had some challenging times with frustrations, fears, tears and confusion.

Some of these came on expectantly, some of it came on by surprise. One in particular was while I was climbing up Eagle Rock mountain, pictured below. In climbing this massive, rocky mountain, we were told to stay to the left of the mountain. "Sure" I thought. "That will be easy" I thought. But in what I thought was just a smooth hop scotch turned into me being stranded between 10 and 30 metres up a cliff, 3 metres before the top but with no way to get up.

Even though God directed my feet to safe footholds, there was no where else I could go. Thankfully one of my leaders was able to climb up, and after one and a half hours was able to help me down.

This taught me multiple lessons. One, my stubbornness can be really dangerous. Two, you really need to listen to leaders and follow them to the dotted line. Three, even if you think you'll end up on the same flat path as everyone else, it isn't always the case. Four, this can apply to other aspects in life, thinking that a temptation is only a soft core temptation compared to the hardcore temptation you were previously tempted by. However, it is still as dangerous as the hardcore temptation as it can cause just as much harm, if not more harm, than the previous temptation.

There has been so much more that I am learning about and so much that I want to share, but that will have to wit until another time.

(Eagle Rock)

(The view I saw looking down from the cliff face - where I was rescued)

(YWAM Eagle Rock Campus from the unofficially named Eagle Rock Mountain)

Outreach Locations!!!

So, this is just a random post of outreach locations.  I will eventually fill you in more if you haven't been getting the newsletters.  I'm still praying about the location, but this is the details of all the outreach locations that I am praying about.

Colombia - $3,200
"I would love for you to join me on outreach to the beautiful country of Colombia where you can use your giftings to minister and love on people! For the first three weeks we'll be in the city of Pereira working with a new church plant, building relationships with the local people, evangelising ministering at an orphanage, and interceding for the city.  Then we will go to Leticia which is in the Amazon.  We'll be working with the YWAM base there doing evangelism, helping with their medical brigade and putting on a children's program.  The people of this country are so warm, loving and welcoming and it will be a life-changing time of building friendships and sharing Jesus' love!" - Jenna Cassel

Uganda and Tanzania - $3,700
"AWAKENING! Our 8 week outreach will be divided between Jinja, Uganda (5 weeks) and Dares Salaam, Tanzania (3 weeks).  The Lord has been birthing incredible things in both locations and it is such a joy to partner with Him as He awakens millions of hearts and minds to His glorious truth and light!  We will be involved in a myriad of activities ranging from showing the Jesus Film to unreached people groups, ministering in jails, hospitals, children's homes and orphanages, and meeting some practical needs via building, painting, and cleaning projects.  Be prepared for wildness as we, rooted in radical intimacy with the Lord, boldly proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ and make/train disciples!" - Andrew Farland

Costa Rica - $2,400
"A week working on the Pacific Coast with children at risk, doing arts, crafts, dramas, games and perhaps even teaching some surf lessons! One week of wilderness survival training in the forests of Cartago Province (NIKO).  Serving an indigenous community in the Talamanca Mountains, Earthquake relief work in the Guancatse Province, possible even a boat trip to a remote tribe! We will be doing work projects of various kinds, local evangelism, intercessory prayer, speaking and working with churches, youth, skate kids and definitely doing some Bible distribution!  These outreach opportunities are diverse and once in a lifetime! My heart is to serve the people of Costa Rica, show Jesus in every circumstance, let our lives be the most powerful and attractive evangelism and just enjoy living the good life with our Lord!" - Lars Lindguist

America?!??!?!?!

That's right! 

You've heard (read) correctly.  God is telling me to pack up and move to America before September ends!

Who?  What?  When?  Where? Why?  How?

One question at a time...

Who/Why?

So this last year has been a battle of getting my health in order and also getting my attitude in order.   I took a month away in New South Wales and Victoria to try and clear my head and look at my options.  This however didn't go to plan, with having a car crash in Bathurst, just outside of my destination (Oberon) and meant that I had to change my plans around a bit.  Some great family friends, Peter and Shirley-anne were very accommodating though and were able to drive me out to Bathurst's Charles Sturt University, in the third week of my stay, where I was wanting to find some information out on the Bachelor of Nursing / Bachelor of Paramedicine, which I had planned to start next year.  After having a tour of the campus I found out however that the course had changed since I was looking at it 5 years ago and it was no long a dual degree but a degree in nursing first and then a graduate diploma in paramedicine.  This news rocked the boat a little and whilst I was still eager to partake in the course it wasn't what I was aiming for. 

Within 24 hours (just over 2 weeks ago) I got an invitation from the YWAM (Youth With A Mission) base director in Colorado, who I had the privilege of being a student in his week long classes on Spiritual Warfare last year, to come do a DTS (Discipleship Training School) in Denver, Colorado,  I was really surprised to receive this invitation as for me, a DTS was the furtherest thing from my mind.  I still was struggling with hurts and fears from the one I attempted last year and wanted to be a lot stronger relationship with God, after running away from Him for 3-6 months, before I even looked at doing a DTS again.  However, I asked God if this exact offer and timing was what He wanted me to do and He said "YES!".  The more I tried to talk my way out of, the more it was confirmed that I was to do it!  Several other confirmations took place to encourage me that I was hearing right from God and it was then that I started getting serious in filling out applications.

What?

What is a DTS?
The Discipleship Training School (DTS) is designed to help you understand God more deeply, live more like Jesus and identify your unique gifts and purpose to use in missions.  DTS is a full-time, residential training course which begins with an 11 or 12 week classroom phase, followed by an 8-12 week outreach time. The DTS emphasizes cross-cultural exposure and global awareness, preparing students to answer the call to "Go into all the world and make disciples of all nations" Matthew 28:19 (http://www.ywam.org/Training).

The paticular DTS I have applied to do is called Young Peoples DTS.  Its aim is to reach the people under the age of 30, using people aged 17-25 years old.  The Young Peoples DTS provides a place for rich community life; the chance to hike, fish and reflect on God's amazing creation away from the distractions and disruptions of the everyday conveniences of our normal lives, where one will be trained up and then sent out to show God's message, or as YWAM says it "To know God, and make Him known" (For more information of what I'll be doing check out: http://www.ywamdenver.org/training/young-peoples-dts/).

When?

As I have said above, I will be moving to America before September ends.  This is because the DTS starts October 1st and will continue on until February 15th (with seven weeks in an International setting outside of the YWAM Eagle Rock).  So I will be overseas for roughly 6 months.

Where?

This DTS is located at Eagle Rock, Colorado.  Just a hop, skip and a jump away from the Golden Gate National Park (https://maps.google.com.au/maps?q=39.832186,-105.433002&hl=en&num=1&t=h&z=16&iwloc=A&source=gplus-ogsb).  Which will mean I will be in America from October 1st, 2012 February 15th, 2013.

Why?

Because, as previously stated, I feel like God is instructing me to drop all plans and thoughts of the future that I have made and follow His direction.  This includes moving to America.

How?

This is where you come in!  Without you, and God, I literally have no idea how I'm getting over there.  God has provided enough funds (from the last time you supported me with interest) for me to book a flight overseas but with God's help I also need your help for the tuition and outreach fee.  Tuition costs $3, 540.00 - This includes twelve weeks of tuition, food and housing.  Course books, personal care and laundry are also on top of that price.  Some of the teachers come from overseas; like how the Colorado base director, Peter Warren, taught our Spiritual Warfare class in Newcastle last year, there are lecturers all over the world, who are experienced in a topic, that come and teach at a DTS.  Then, after the tuition/lecture phase there is the outreach phase.  The cost for this phase ranges from $2,500 - $3,600.  This covers 8 weeks of an International project and 1 week debrief at the end of the outreach.  Air fares, visas, landing fees, housing, food, travel and additional outreach costs are included in this price bracket.  Again, personal things like laundry, souvenirs, personal care, extra snacks, extra activities, etc., cost extra.

Dot dot dot...

So this is what I believe God is telling me to do.  I've applied.  I've been accepted.  Now comes the interesting journey of visas, plane tickets, packing, scheduling, and lots of surprises.
I know God given me the challenges that I've faced these last couple of years for a reason.  I don't know yet what it is, but I'm learning more and more that it's about the journey with God, not the awards and recognition you get from people around you - although sometimes that would be nice.

I would really appreciate any support you can give me right now, whether that is through prayers, hugs, encouragement, financial, or anything.  
I really hope you have a  great weekend.
GBUG (God Bless U Good)
Kara Martin 

Upcoming Posts

Post on the similarities between God and marriage coming up soon... as well as a few already handwritten on self-pity and if I can remember, maybe fear?  Stay tuned...

Rebellion ~ There's a Rebellious Root Hidden Within... One to bedug up and burnt to begin with

(RANDOM THOUGHTS... from 6/1/2012)

I've never really thought of myself as rebellious, not in the way that society defines rebellious. If I didn't have a teacher agree with me at school, or let me get my way, I accepted, understanding that they had the authority and knew best for that situation. I didn't do graffiti, or drugs, or try to skank anyone up... I did get into swearing a bit in primary school, which has been a habit that the sails can blow fully if I don't watch it, but that was partly due to just wanting to fit in with the crowd of friends I had.

However the last 24 hours have brought further thoughts on rebellion to light. My walk with God. Right now I want to throw in the towel. Give up. It seems too hard. Life seems too hard. No, I am not suicidal. I am just frustrated... call it rebellious! I don't understand what is happening, what is going on, where I am meant to be, or who I am... and I know that that's meant to be okay. I don't have to know, no one does, except God... but sometimes knowing that God knows isn't the most comforting thought. It isn't right now.

For almost a week I have struggled with God. I have felt that I am to take time out and spend time with Him, but I can't. I can't, because my attitude stinks and is making it seem impossible or improbable and unimportant/unfruitful. I know that reading the Bible should help my situation, but I get stuck on where to read and what to do. There is something repulsive about doing this. Something that seems to scream further pain and death. I get stuck on the fruitfulness of it all and the point of trying to connect with someone when it feels so isolating. I get so stuck that I don't even bother... I'll slip into watching television shows, movies, reading books, saving encouraging photos, slipping into old comfort habits - one involving eating food, even though I'm not hungry, or just staring at facebook waiting for someone to upload a status (for almost half an hour)... to just fill in the time... to just try to avoid what I know I need to do, because I don't know what else to do. It's pathetic! But it's also rebellious.

I can't remember what my thoughts were on this last night, but I realised that I've got a rebellious root inside of me. A root which I know has affected my relationship with God and wants to make me vomit up a vengeance of hurtful, hateful words, but I know not what the source nor what the words would contain, just the feeling of regurgitation at the back of the throat. What is this rebellion and where did it come from?

The picture of the closed fist holds close to my character lately... If I am frustrated (more with myself or God, than anyone else) I will lash out... not in tongue, but in action, and it is something I've had to work on. It's an act of violence against authority - I am still working out where I got a dislike for authority, because I hadn't realised I had any negative feelings towards authority until the last few months passed, but it is definitely one big can of worms.

There's the story of Jonah (also symbolised in most people's minds by a big fish, or a whale) which displays rebellion to God. God told Jonah to go to Ninevah... Jonah ran in the opposite direction to Ninevah, which didn't make Jonah's path easy at all (thanks Cookie for the lift up). In this story, this factual event of life that actually did happen, Jonah rebelled against God, but he was also running out of fear. How often do we run? How often do I run? I run a lot... I didn't realise it, but I do. I haven't done much physical running lately... actually I haven't done any, but I have ran a lot spiritually and relationally, and that is rebellion... knowing that you should be doing something and avoiding it at all costs. Who knew fear ties in with rebellion? I sure didn't!

I run because I'm scared; I don't know what the future holds; and so I run to where I feel comfortable, which is sometimes running away from everyone, physically and mentally... I am realising today that I don't know where God is in my life; I don't know who He is; and part of me doesn't care because I've tried getting to know Him and I can't hack it anymore... which won't end very well... it would probably turn into Jonah's story very quickly... good thing there's no whales nearby... But I also realise I've been a bit of a Martha as well - out of the story of Jesus, Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). I've been trying to find God through all these means and find restoration impossibly, and it has come to no avail. I've been Thomas, who's seen God and all His movements, in my life and in others, and yet I still doubt... and I just don't know what to do any more. I don't want to lay down. I don't want to give up. I don't want to slip into my old past, or let a new future come full of all the mistakes I have done and more... but I don't know how to stay out of this fiery storm that is blowing my way and a part of me is willing to stand on the bonfire and receive the scorching flames.

But what about you? Are you rebellious? How are you rebellious? Is God telling you something that with your mindset seems too hard?

My step at the moment is to not take another step. I do not want to delete friends or updates I get on people because it hurts, which it sometimes does, but I do love seeing what God is doing in their lives and the lives of others through them. I do not want to become bitter and resilient to a loving touch because of pain. I do not want to declare that I will never do YWAM or anything to do with God because I am not good enough, and I do not want to become that rebellious (or rebellious at all) that I can't even find God in nature, which seems to be the only place I can see Him in my own life at the moment. So these are my steps, and out of curiosity, not hypocrisy, what are yours? What are you doing to find God and make Him more a part of your life? How is He incorporated into your life - a weekly appointment on Sundays? A half hour every day? Or every second of your life? Or like my YWAM room mate, whom I love heaps did, she made weekly dates with God where she'd dress up and plan a meal and everything to share with her beloved! So what are you doing?

A quick question posed...

DO YOU THINK A REBELLIOUS ATTITUDE AFFECTS OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD?

How?

(Image obtained from http://duplexchick.com/files/2011/02/question-box1-300x300.jpg, it is not my own).

A Discovery of Age. A Discovery of Growth.

Over the last few days I am realising that I'm more like a child than an adult. Sure I may be the age of an adult and have the knowledge close to an adult's intellect, but I have the mentality of a child. To be honest, after living out of home for just over 3 years, I don't think I was ready to move out of home.

I moved out because it seemed easy. I wouldn't yell at Mum, I wouldn't cause tension, the travel was less... it was easier... it appeared more convenient. But I wasn't ready to move out. I was running away. Running away from conflict. Running away from hurt. Running away because flight appeared easier than fight. Who knew that one day I'd realise that I'd still have to fight... I'd just have to fight with all the issues that caused flight, weighing on me too.

That is not much fun, in fact I believe it's harder now because when you're trying to deal with the issue you're still stuck in the age of that which you first flew instead of fighting, and so rationality, logic, and emotions are all tied in together and blended together, so that it's harder to see the clear border between it all.

(I wasn't going to bring God into this mind bubble of thoughts at all, but I believe that...)

The same could go with God...

How often do we run away from God - whether we realise it or not? We may not have run away from God in the sense of saying 'I hate You God, I'm going to do what I want to do", nor may we have had God tell us clearly to do something and gone "Nup! That's too hard. I don't want to do that. I'm not going to do that. Maybe later..." But what about our fear?

As I've said above, we may not have been asked by God directly to do something, and out of fear or feeling of incompetency refused, but at the same time how much do we let fear hinder us? God may not have told us to do something... but we may be limiting our potential, the potential that God gave us, and thus God, by fear, which limits God and His movement in us!

For example, asking and going for help may appear too hard, so we don't. Seeing a stranger in need, when we're with friends, may put us in the bad books with that group of friends (afraid of people's opinion) and so we pretend we haven't seen that stranger in need. Stepping into unknown territory - new city/ new job/ new church/ new school / mission trip / uni course, etc. may appear too daunting, not worth the fear and awkwardness involved, and so we stay where we're comfortable, but at the same time uncomfortable, because we're hurting / we're feeling stunted and not growing / we're getting bullied / we're bored / we're feeling alone / we're feeling hopeless, etc. Don't stay - MOVE!!!

Staying is saying that you don't believe God has your hand in His hand. It is saying that you don't trust that in these difficult circumstances and fears of the unknown, that you know God does know what is going on; He does have your best interests in mind; and He only gives good gifts, even if they do hurt at first because not all growth and healing is pain free - sometimes the bad bits have to be cut off first; the diamond's rock edges have to be sanded off before the real gem can truly shine, with all of God's original intention!

Staying limits God! Not doing anything is like treading water - you can swim backwards to where you've been, but know that that's the location that caused you the most pain and got you into this mess to start off with; or you can just tread water, where you're comfy at the moment, but your energy will soon run out and you'll drown, or get caught in a rip (very strong current) which will take you back to where you were, where you don't really want to be; OR you can swim forward, towards a rescuing island, which like God, has what you need to survive the rough seas of confusion and exhaustion!

This has become my goal over the last year... every time I fear physical things - no matter how scary, I force myself to attempt them - to do it! Because I know that it'll grow me and if I don't do it, then I'll regret the missed opportunity, because you wonder how that opportunity may have affected you, shaped you, stretched you, made you grow...

Fears over physical obstacles, aka physical fears, I find a lot more easier to deal with and push myself to overcome; but emotional and spiritual fears I find a lot more challenging to take on in battle and so this is my declaration, that I will be treading water no more, because I want to know and believe God does have the best interests in mind for me and actually step out in faith and action and believe!!!

(My game face is on... GO THE BLUES!!!)

A Change of Plans; A Change in Directions; In God I Trust!

Hi all,

How is everyone going? Life here in Newcastle has so far been an interesting journey. One, not quite yet over, but taking a completely different directional turn of events.

Whilst my school, the Compassion DTS, of 18 people, are going on outreach (9 of them being my team that is heading to Byron Bay, Toowoomba and Cambodia); I will not be joining them on this adventure. Nor will I be staying at the YWAM Newcastle base for debrief and commissioning, as is what usually happens after outreach. Instead I will be taking a different path. I don’t know yet what that path is exactly, nor am I writing this update to seek pity or sympathy, or any other emotion, but I am letting you know, as you have supported me currently, and in the past, for several reasons.

One, is to let you know that my plans have changed.

Two, is for those of you who have supported me in the lecture phase, thank you! Your money did not go to waste… do not feel like it did. Whilst part of me is struggling with the thought that this was a complete waste of time, I KNOW God is doing something, and it started here at YWAM Newcastle. I have learnt so much here, and it is somewhere in my head (and hopefully making its way down to my heart), and I have you to thank, for giving me this opportunity to get to know God more; to know Him more on a personal level and not just on a theological level (that we often slip into).

Three, is for those of you who gave me money specifically for outreach. I have already contacted you if your money did go towards outreach fees, and it should be in your email inbox now. Please let me know what your decision is. I am happy if you want your money back, but I will also be blessed and will accept it, if you want your money to go into the account I’ve set up for when I do complete a DTS or do some other God-called mission trip. I will not spend any of this money, unless God leads me into doing something for Him again (it is set aside for God-called work), which I am trusting and believing He will, as I have no reason to be alive, except by His grace and glory. This is not me giving up something because it’s hard. I am not giving up. This is me, changing direction, to seek further help, with the advice, encouragement, and support of YWAM Newcastle, on being restored more physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, where YWAM is not equipped to do so.

And fourthly, I am telling you this, because I would really appreciate your prayer and support. I don’t need any discouragement, as my mind is creating enough of that already, nor do I want you feeling sorry for me, as it’s another “incomplete” thing… but your prayers would be greatly appreciated. I have no idea what God has in store for me. All I know is that right now it’s not YWAM outreach, and it’s probably trying to get some holistic help so that I can be who God originally created me to be. Whether that is in NSW, or WA, or Vic, or outside of Australia, I don’t know. All I know is that who I am right now, how I feel (incomplete and broken) is not how God wants me to feel or what He’s made me to be.

Part of this update is also for my YWAM school mates (Compassion DTS). You guys are absolute legends. Whilst I struggled to connect with you at first, and was delegated as the tour guide (which I did enjoy), I can never replace the time I’ve had with you guys, with anything better. I know I was here for a reason. I know that each of you have taught or inspired me. I also know that you guys will do amazing things on outreach (and after). You are so God-focused, it’s AMAZING! Keep letting Him be your guide, your fore-runner. Let Him be the scout in front of your army. Follow in His footsteps.

I know I should have told you guys (Compassion DTS) this on Wednesday, when I told you that I wouldn’t be joining you on outreach, but I also have a tendency to push people away, and I have been doing it a little bit the last few (4) weeks, more this week, and will probably also do it next week too. I am not pushing you away because I don’t want you, or have been hurt by you, but because I don’t do well with leaving people, with saying goodbye (remember ‘rejection’ coming up in Father’s Heart of God week?). It’s more a subconscious thing… which ends up hurting me more in the long run (as I sometimes think I am the one being pushed away) and it’s something I am trying to work on (ask some of my best friends – I did it before I came to DTS). So I am letting you know now, so if you think I’m behaving a certain way because of something you have or haven’t done, it’s not because of you, it’s because I’m hurting and trying to put up security walls of protection out of insecurity… But remember that you have significantly and positively impacted me, and God will do amazing things with, for and through you – LET HIM!!!




I also want to say thanks to all of you who have supported me through this. Thank you to my prayer and financial supporters, for all the support you have given me in getting me here and staying here. I wish I could show you more gratitude than just a mention in this blog post… you guys have played a huge role in the changing of my life.






To the Compassion DTS leaders, thanks heaps (akun) for having the patience to put up with my struggles, and for trying to guide me onto the right path; for not letting me quit; for letting God speak through you to me, even when it seemed weird or I didn’t seem to accept the word that He had for me and hurt you through the process. Thank you for taking the time out of your life (even though it’s what God has called you to do) to minister to all of us and for obeying God – even when you were in a new phase of life and wanted a chance to settle into that new step of life.





Wanda nalu (thanks) to my team mates, for coming alongside the solo-Aussie and letting her into your groups of friendship; for dealing (and coping) with me when I was upset or isolating myself, and praying for me when I was unwell. Thanks for caring, when I didn’t deserve it.



And last but not least, thank you to all my friends and family back home. I know that you, of all people, would probably find this hardest to hear (and I haven’t told a lot of you – nor really anyone, even here in Newie, until now, because I don’t want to hurt you), but know that God has a reason for it – whilst I don’t know what it is, I am relying on Romans 8:28 and what I know of the character of God, that He will use this to bring His name glory, and it will all work out for good. I love you guys, with as much love as I understand, and am so thankful that God has placed you in my life throughout the years. You have each moulded me into the woman I am becoming today. Thank you so much!

Now back to the more 'formal' stuff...

As I have said above, I’ve learnt heaps, and when I’ve had a chance to process, know clearly what I have learnt (and it’s in my heart) I am hoping to post some of it here, to share with you what your support has helped me in. Two things that have surfaced a lot and have been slowly becoming clear in the last two months are that I cannot place God in a box and expect Him only to show up in a certain way, for if I do that then I might as well be like a horse with blinkers on… unable to see fully, and potentially missing out on what God actually wants to show me. The other thing is that Jesus is a rescuer… I don’t know how He is a rescuer yet… but I am believing that He will rescue me. I do know that He’s rescued us all from our sins and we have authority, under His name, to step out from that bondage… we don’t need to live in our sin; we are not held down by our past or our family’s past… we are a new creation; we are FREE in JESUS’ name!

Whilst I don’t know what the next few months entail; whilst I came here in hope that God would show Himself to me and give me steps to take for the future… a guide of what He has in store for me; whilst everything is up in the air, and I at this moment, I am angry and hurt with God (and trying to deal with it), I am also trusting in Him, as there is no one else in this World who knows what all of us should be doing AND still loves us, even when we’ve walked away from Him and His path for our lives. So at the moment all I know is that I am trusting God, and whilst I’m looking at different options, the only definite option I have and know at the moment is to trust in God!

Again, thank you for all your support in getting me and keeping me here, and for the love you have shown me (whether you’ve known me for only a couple of months, or for my whole life), it’s meant a lot!

I hope to hear how your lives are going and what you’ve been up to while I’m been away. Have a very merry Christmas and a blessed New Years and GBUG (God Bless U Good).

Kara