Rumours, faith, hope, love and purpose

These last few months have been a tumultuous journey of exhilaration, excitement, fears, adrenaline, anxiety, shock, and frustration.  It has been where my priorities haven’t been the best priorities for the right time and I’ve let a lot of my values go (again)... a repetitive tumultuous journey that I seem to continually experience in multiple seasons of my life and one that I am still learning to conquer. To run to God and allow Him to be my all.

Twice within twenty four hours I have received an email “Why would God want to use me?” And whilst I am yet to open it this email haunts me.  It haunts me to know God would want to use me when I am running scared with my daily struggles... when I feel overwhelmed and lost by it all.  When I feel worthless and beyond reach... but these are also lies that I am fighting to allow myself to live and remembering that Jesus died for me because He saw purpose in me before I was born.

Rumours hurt and in the midst of these rumours there are leeches trying to attach and add to the lies. Leeches that are continually adding to the life sucking experience. To be honest life is hard right now, I have an exam the next three days that I don’t feel prepared for, a mark that I feel is waiting to be etched into further failures...a mark that I am trying not to allow into identifying me.

Similarities are where I’ve let my identity be. Not one of my choices I regret... but all of these choices have made me who I am. I hope one day these choices would make me even stronger and wiser and I hope that I would one day feel like I fit in with my colleagues with confidence and my own strength independent of everyone else. This is where the identity comes into it... this is where I am trying to do it all in my own strength forgetting God has ordained me with so much more regardless of who I currently feel I am. He’s ordained me with more than I can envisage. Hopefully one day I can fully walk into it.  I know the option is always there, I just have to choose it and trust that there’s better days ahead and like my saying says “KEEP GOING”.

Identity in Hiatus

There are times in life when one needs to take a break, evaluate, reassess and determine ones next step in life.  There are times in life when in one’s assessment it is easy to realise that you’ve taken the focus off the prize. However identifying the lack of focus and redirecting that focus is another matter altogether. Without vision people perish. Without vision life appears hopeless, and other options become more viable. What vision can one have that is unfaltering and consistent?  What vision can one rely on to ensure that one will never perish?  This topic’s controversial but it’s Jesus Christ. Not academia, not body image, not finances, social status, entertainment, career, etc., Jesus.  Nothing else but Jesus can guarantee your purposeful existence in life. It is when we focus on Jesus that our insecurity diminishes, our fears soften, and our daily focus becomes clearer. It is in this realignment/refocusing we need to realise that healthy input (spending time with God, reading His Word, fellowshipping, etc.) is the only way to produce a healthy output. This is my prayer - God help me, that I may desire You more than anything else, and refocus my life focusing on You.

Complacency no more!

It's very easy to create your own routine in life and settle for the general lifestyle mantra of... be content, have ambitions, and leave God out of your very busy daily schedule. I've been thinking about this lately and I've realised I've become complacent. I am more settled with coming home and turning on the television to fill my time than I am of doing the much needed cleaning and the even more important spending quality time with God. I've been trying to do everything in my strength and not God's and as a result justify my exhaustion through the easiest method of input, entertainment and non-isolating when you're actually isolated techniques - television, television and more television. It's not what's on the television but the fact that it's a something to break the silence of being isolated. Something the let's you distract your own thoughts and have 21st subliminal messaging flashing through.  Something that lets you be a zombie... and there's nothing overly wrong with that except for the fact that for me I've become complacent in all the other things I could be doing.

I've become complacent in allowing God to move. I'm not limiting God, because for sure He can move mountains and I have no say in what He's going to do if He really wants to do it, but I have reserved myself to allow God to move in my life only when it suits me. Only when I'm going to be comfortable. Only when I don't have to please people. Only when I'm not going to be vulnerable... and that's not okay.

My daily mantra I'm changing.  My wake up moment is now "Hello God, what are You doing today? Can I be a part of it?"  We weren't put on this earth to solely exist. We weren't put on this Earth to go with the motions. We were put on this Earth to be His hands and feet and to bring Him glory.  This is my ambition, this is my perspective and this is what I'm going to strive to do. To allow myself to be used by God and to ensure I fill my spirit with quality material. Turning off the televisionpetiodically and just listening, allowing God to move. Spending quality time with Him and going "I am Your child, use me.  I don't care about what people think of me as long as I honour You first!"





“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavour, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:13-16‬ ‭(NKJV‬‬)





“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭91:1‬ ‭(NKJV)