The Months Unspoken Now Spoken

How does one start, when so much has happened since I last wrote? What does one say, that may appeal and not bore those who will read this? I guess there is no better way to start then with what has happened...

In the last few months, almost a year, that I have seriously been considering on going to YWAM, I have been told and also have been telling myself to wait until I was stable, until I was sure that God was directing me to YWAM, before putting in an application. However, this has also added stress on what I can and can't do, as everything is up in the air and I don't want to commit to anything that I could not be certain that I would be available for.

I had already narrowed down the YWAM base choices to Norton Hills, Adelaide, South Australia (Justice and Mercy DTS), Newcastle (Outdoor DTS, Compassion DTS), Darwin, Townsville (Ship DTS), and Byron Bay. With these five bases and six DTSs, I knew it would not be easy to identify which base, if any, that I'd be going to this year (2011). So I started to try and just make healthy choices, or choices that appeared to be fruitful, whether in refinding my identity, building my relationship with God, learning good coping strategies, and conflict resolution strategies and confrontational confidence, amongst other things, and whilst to date (21/6/2011), not all have been completed; some have been undertaken and have also narrowed down the choices in YWAM bases.

One of the undertaken healthy -development for future choices was doing a Life Keys, Care Force, Recovery Program - Woman to Woman course (founded by Allan and Helen Meyers), which in small groups, covered topics like...

1. The Arena of Healing
2. Functional and Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
3. Coping Strategies of the Child and Adult
4. Denial and Anger
5. Rebuilding After Grief and Loss
6. The Influence of Shame
7. Overcoming Co-dependency
8. Sexuality and Intimacy
9. Forgiveness - Letting Go
10. Stepping into the Future

This was a ten week course, which automatically meant that out of the three short-listed bases

• Newcastle's Compassion DTS;
• Norton Summit's Justice and Mercy DTS; and
• Townsville's Ship DTS,

two of them I could not do, due to the fact that I was engaged in the woman to woman course, which I would not drop out of. This left me with just the Newcastle Compassion DTS.

Even with only one of my short listed three choices being available, I still wasn't sure if God was behind it. I didn't want to jump in, if God wasn't going to be there to catch me, but I also didn't want to be too afraid to get near the water's edge and basque in God's opinion of beauty.

It was the slowly building friendship with the compassion DTS leader, Tessa Meakins, that finally gave me the guts to start filling in my application, and to full prepare the application, in expectation of being fully accepted. Even though I had my doubts and hesitancies, Tessa had been able to answer every question I had, that would've made me reconsider YWAM altogether. So having no mind changing questions lefts, I had nothing else to do except to have a go at filling out the application.


The application process isn't just a simple tick and cross application. It has a few components. From medical history to police checks, children checks, and agreements to answering the following questions:

1. Please describe your Christian experience and present relationship with the Lord. Give month and year of conversion.
2. What noticeable changes have you experienced since then?
3. What areas of your character are you presently seeking God to further develop?
4. Do you feel God has given you, or is leading you into any particular area of ministry at YWAM Newcastle and in general?
5. Describe Christian work you have done.
6. How do you feel you adapt and respond to changes in situations and new environments?
7. Do you feel called to serve God full-time in ministry/missions? Give details.

I also had to get three references. One being a friend, another a teacher/employer, and then a pastoral reference. Having been diagnosed with depression, I also needed a doctor's reference. All four of the references shocked me with their commendations and support.

With police checks and passport also obtained quickly and easily, apart from being a bit more lighter in pocket, things have come across easily, encouraging me to think more that maybe God is behind this, but there was still some uncertainty.

About a week before I submitted my application, I got an email from Darwin YWAM however, asking me how I was going and that they had been praying for me, as a potential YWAM student (due to interest I'd shown in one of their DTSs earlier in the year). Three things that God had told them was:

1. Psalm 91
   (¹ Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
   will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.^{[a]
   2} I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
   my God, in whom I trust.”

   ³ Surely he will save you
   from the fowler’s snare
   and from the deadly pestilence.
   ⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
   and under his wings you will find refuge;
   his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
   ⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
   nor the arrow that flies by day,
   ⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
   nor the plague that destroys at midday.
   ⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
   ten thousand at your right hand,
   but it will not come near you.
   ⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
   and see the punishment of the wicked.

   ⁹ If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”
   and you make the Most High your dwelling,
   ¹⁰ no harm will overtake you,
   no disaster will come near your tent.
   ¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
   to guard you in all your ways;
   ¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
   so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
   ¹³ You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
   you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

   ¹⁴ “Because he^[b] loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
   I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
   ¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;
   I will be with him in trouble,
   I will deliver him and honor him.
   ¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him
   and show him my salvation.”)

2. be open to the plans God has for you - don't hold back.
   
3. Nothing is impossible with God

This email had caused a bit of fear, as I wondered if it was a warning that I wouldn't be accepted. That this wasn't God's plan for me, leaving me stuck in anxiety and disarray.
However, I knew I could not pull out. That I'd already come this far and there was no point quitting. Even though I wanted to pull out so many times, especially in the time from putting my application in, to being accepted, I had to tell myself, be reminded and still tell myself that God is in control of this all and to trust in Him with everything I had and am still to have.

So now I am at the spot of support raising, trusting in God and knowing His will, will be done. I am no saint among sinners, or a saint among saints, or a saint at all for a matter of fact... I'm just like you, a child of God, just wanting to give everything I have and work for the Lord!